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Welcome to the Blessings To You Whole Heart Path newsletter, a publication to inform, inspire and illuminate on topics dealing with weddings and other rituals for the life cycle transitions from birth to death and healthy relationships. We invite both comments and contributions to the newsletter.

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Marriage is the best seminar you will ever participate in. It offers you an opportunity for growth that no other relationship can equal, if both people are fully participating. A healthy marriage takes time and care. It’s just like anything that is worth having, it requires attention. If you don’t care for your plants, they will die. If you don’t exercise, your muscles will atrophy, if you don’t nurture your relationship, you will begin to become resentful, bored and lonely. The next thing that goes is the passion and romance. So if you’re feeling bored, lonely or resentful in your relationship, consider these 10 keys to Rekindle Your Romance. Make one change in your relationship today that can make a world of difference.

10 Tips to Rekindle Your Romance

Tip #1 Healthy Communication

Healthy and effective communication is a key to any healthy relationship, including a marriage. That’s why it’s first on the list! First of all, it is important to have clear communication. Your partner is not a mind reader. We cannot assume that our partner knows what we are thinking or should know what we are thinking. The first step to healthy communication is to take the time to make it happen. Often we attempt to have communication at the worst times. I’m sure this has never happened to any of you, but here’s how it happens for other people.

Things are going pretty well, but you have this little thing that’s been bothering you and you want to talk about it. But you don’t want to rock the boat by bringing up something that may create tension, because, after all, things are pretty good. So you don’t bring up that thing, which at that time isn’t that big of a deal. But then that thing starts becoming a bigger deal, because you didn’t talk about it. It’s in your mind, bothering you. You’re putting energy into making it okay, ignoring it, waiting until you can find a “good time” to talk about it. Well, guess what? There really isn’t going to be a “good time” to talk about it. What usually happens is that when you are having a heated discussion or dare I say, a fight, about something else, that little thing, which has been growing and festering will come out and now it’s a lot bigger thing, because it has a lot more anger behind it, and it’s on the pile with all the other things you have been holding onto, waiting for a “good time“ to talk.

I recommend that you set aside time every day to talk. That way, you are talking about the little things when they are still fairly uncharged. Sometimes you will be chatting about daily happenings and sometimes you will be bringing up those tough subjects that are more difficult to talk about. Usually the little things will stay that way if you bring them up while they are still little.

There are some boundaries I would like to suggest for your daily conversations. One is that you set a time limit if you need to, at least 30 minute or more. If something comes up, and you find that you don't have the time to discuss it as deeply and thoroughly as you need to, schedule another time, within the next 24 hours, when you can have more uninterrupted time to discuss and process the issue. Another suggestion is to have your daily conversation some time during the day and not before bed. It’s great to talk before bed, but leave your “hot topics” and problems for the daytime conversation. Typically the "hot topics" are work, money, the kids and any other problems. I also suggest that you face one another, have eye contact, even holding hands sometimes if that feels good. Another really important thing about this conversation is that you each let the other finish completely, without interrupting. And finally, speak lovingly, from the heart to one another.

Tip #2 APPRECIATION

Appreciation will rekindle your romance more powerfully than anything I know of. Do you feel appreciated in your relationship? Do you appreciate your partner? Do you express your appreciation? Daily? There are so many ways to show love and appreciation to your partner. Appreciation begins with a state of mind. Take the time to really notice things to acknowledge about your partner. Notice if you spend more time being frustrated and disappointed with things that aren’t happening the way you would like them to happen. Imagine what your life would be like without that person. Be grateful for that wonderful person you call your partner.

Here are a few ways to express appreciation:

1. Take your partner’s hands in your hands, facing each other. Look into his/her eyes and express heartfelt, authentic appreciation for your partner’s presence in your life.
2. Throughout every day, look for things to thank your partner for, the things they do that make your life easier or more joyful. Express gratitude for things like making the coffee in the morning, doing the grocery shopping, cooking, and taking care of car maintenance or even getting up to let the cat out (that’s one of mine!)
3. Take the initiative to think of fun, new things for the two of you to do. Make all the plans and really make it happen.
4. Surprise your partner with breakfast in bed or their favorite dinner after work.
5. Give your partner a card for no special occasion other than that you love him/her.
6. Write your partner a poem or a letter of appreciation.

These may seem corny but trust me, they really work. Oh and make sure to show your partner this article!

I would love to know the ways that you express your appreciation to your partner. Please drop me an email with your ideas and I will include them (anonymously) in my newsletter!

Rose Quartz Ritual

A wonderful idea for the wedding ceremony is to get a bowl of rose quartz stones. Rose quartz represents love. As each guest comes into the wedding, give them a stone and tell them to hold onto it. The officiant can explain that at some point during the day each person will have the opportunity to share a blessing with the newlyweds and at that time they will place the stone in a bowl.

At the end of the day, the couple will have a bowl of blessing stones to keep with them always. This is a great way to include everyone at the wedding in a part of the ceremony and a good way to ensure that everyone will make contact with the bride and groom at some point during the day. You can do this ritual with dried flowers or notes. And you can incorporate this ritual into the actual ceremony if you wish.

Include All Of Your Guests

In the past, I have been asked if there is way to include everyone in the ceremony. If you would like to include everyone present at the ceremony in the wedding ceremony, I would like to suggest a wonderful ritual for you. The officiant asks if there is anyone who wishes to speak in support of the marriage, to bless the marriage. This is done towards the beginning of the ceremony, after the introduction. The bride and groom can ask specific people in advance if they would like to speak. Of course, others may wish to get up and speak spontaneously, which is very nice. Usually, only a few will speak spontaneously, but because the officiant asked, everyone feels included, that they had the opportunity

Sometimes there is special person, who is not part of the bridal party but you want to include them in some way. The person or people feel honored that they were asked. It is different than the toasts at the reception and when one has the opportunity to speak from the heart it can be a very moving contribution to the ceremony.

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